Category: movie-reviews

  • DRAWMA KINGG SIDEQUEST #2 [Not A Movie Review] – “INTERLOCK”

    In a night of total darkness, a man lay alone in his bed. Nearly ten minutes ago, he woke up from a dream. “Something is outside the window. Can’t move. Who are they? I am scared. I am not scared anymore.” The man was still fully conscious as he was carried into the beam of light.

    Disorientation takes effect as soon as he boards the craft. While the beings walked him to their destination, other rooms were visible with terrifying sights. These rooms contained things that looked incomprehensible! They arrived at something that resembled a table to an Earthling’s eyes. The surgery was very short and left no visual signs of any kind. An implant was now in his brain, but he would have no memory of these events the next day.

    William Aris has been a superhero for over two years without realizing it. Today is the day he finally figures it out! He had accidentally been saving peoples’ lives just by giving good universal advice that anyone would give. Unfortunately, these powers of persuasion would also get him into a lot of ridiculous social interactions that he did not understand.

    Friday Morning: Our oblivious hero is getting his normal coffee-before-work at the Possibly Good Coffee House. A guy [that no one knows his name] approaches William.

    “Doctor says if I have just one more piece of bacon, I will die! But I LOVE bacon!”

    “Please tell me you’ll never eat another piece of bacon! I am worried about you!”

    “Yeah, you’re absolutely right. I’ll never eat a piece of bacon again.”

    The whole room gasped. None of them knew the guy’s name, but they surely knew about his infinite love for bacon. Everyone was confused. Katie Nightfire, the manager of the coffee house, comes over to William.

    Katie: William, are you OK today? How’d you get him to do that?

    William: I don’t know. I am starting to wonder about some things that are happening in my life.

    Katie: What do you mean?

    William: Hmmm Katie, could you tell me completely honestly what you think of me?

    Katie: I think you are really cute! I was hoping you would ask me out for quite a long time now!

    The whole room is shocked again! No one ever knew Katie to date anyone despite all the suitors that would ask her out constantly. At this point, the patrons at Possibly Good Coffee are all staring at William in disbelief. He asks Katie if they can talk about that later and stumbles out the door to work.

    Third floor offices. Nothing special, just cubicles and small rooms. A partially spilled house coffee sits on the desk. “Do I have brainwashing powers? Katie couldn’t possibly love someone as insignificant as me!” Mr. Aris needed help. He needed objective witnesses to help him figure out why his conversations have been going this way.

    William: Coworker, could you please spend the day helping me with a personal project that has nothing to do with our jobs?

    Coworker: Certainly! What can I do? 

    William: I want you to tell me your honest thoughts on what happens each time I talk to someone other than you during our work day.

    [Becca, a peer from another department, walks into the room.]

    Becca: Coworker, nice tie! William, any chance you have those stats for me yet?

    William: Yes, I can send them over. Becca, we both [William points at Coworker then back at himself] think you are a super nice person, but could you please insult me for the next 30 seconds and be as mean as you can possibly be with each insult?

    William was not familiar with most of the words that followed, but coworker laughed heavily for an excessive amount of time. As Becca is leaving, a supervisor comes in hastily. 

    Supervisor Jack: [Yelling] Which one of you printed this image of a cartoon character that we have not purchased any rights to use?

    William: Don’t be mad.

    [Jack’s demeanor immediately deflates]

    William: Also, please don’t yell at anyone and always treat people with respect.

    Supervisor Jack: Sure thing, Mr. Aris.

    [Jack exits]

    William: Coworker, what are you thinking about these conversations you witnessed?

    Coworker: It looks like people really listen to you. I think they are easily persuaded by your words. Too easily though. Do you have superpowers?

    William: That is what I am starting to believe. It would explain a lot of recent events in my life, but I definitely didn’t have such abilities as a kid or even in high school.

    Coworker: Where do you think they came from?

    William: I do not have any idea whatsoever.

    To everyone else, Coworker was thought to only be a nickname. Only Coworker knew it was on the birth certificate. Jack went on to have an incredibly close relationship with all of his family and friends. Becca had very little stress for the rest of her life after getting all of those carefully selected insults out of her system. William held onto the mantra he has repeated to himself since he was very young: “Whenever confronted with choosing good or evil, it probably made sense to choose good.” Katie Nightfire spends most evenings sad that she is not with the only person she ever loved. This love existed brightly before the alien abduction ever took place, not that Katie is aware of that element of the situation.

    ONE YEAR LATER…

    Interlock is on his shrine of contemplation when he is interrupted by another. People constantly visit the estate to make requests to the superhero. Some requests are good. Some are evil. Many are hard to determine.

    Levia: Interlock, your grace.

    Interlock: I like to be spoken to like a peer. I do not see myself as superior to anyone.

    [William would make statements about his own feelings. He always had to avoid asking others to act or not act in certain ways.]

    Levia: I have been sent to ask for your help in Xirasta’s war. If you merely spoke to the enemy commander, our war would come to an end.

    Interlock: I am not a weapon to be used by a country to conquer their enemy! I do not participate in any wars! I only fulfill requests that I feel confident will not cause harm to anyone. I cannot live with the guilt of incorrect decisions!

    Levia: Saving lives is altruistic! It is the right decision!

    Interlock: Tell your leader this — if both heads of state agree to meet me in person at the same time, I will ask them to reach a fair peace deal. Governments never want to agree to this offer. They only want to use me like a tool and often try to deceive me to get my help.

    Interlock would not fulfill requests if he had any doubts about it being a universally positive action. One of the primary morals he developed was not to participate in any wars throughout the world. Although this angered many visitors, they knew it was because Interlock always needed to be certain he wasn’t causing harm to anyone. How could they hate him for that perspective? 

    [Another evening at the estate]

    Katie Nightfire is walking up to the bronze door that opens to the main hall. She is nervous about what to say. Returning from a mission within the last hour, Interlock was still in his full military-issued costume. A gold and pink outfit with black trim established quite a presence in any room. This was extra evident by the fact that every room in the estate was decorated with fascinating gifts from countless places. On most of his accepted missions, he would find himself being given gifts of gratitude that could not be refused politely. Katie enters the ancient-looking hall. In the dark atmosphere, their eyes focus on each other immediately.

    Katie: William! You never came back to finish our conversation. You have the power to demand anything you want! Well I have a demand! You can’t leave me wondering! I need the truth!

    William: Katie, I am sorry. It’s now clear to me that not returning to speak with you sooner is objectively one of my incorrect decisions.

    Katie: Stop with all the moral argument jargon! I need to know HOW YOU FEEL! Do you love me?

    William: Of course I love you! It is my powers I am scared of! How can we know if your feelings for me are naturally occurring or derived from my powers?

    Katie: I have loved you since before your powers manifested. I have an important memory that proves it to me! The first time I tried to flirt with you upon realizing my feelings, I refused what you asked for. You asked for your usual house coffee, and I said “No, we don’t have any coffee left” as a sarcastic joke. It took you a little bit to realize the sarcasm before you laughed. The way you smiled at me at the end made me hopeful that you liked me too.

    William: You’re right. No one makes jokes like that to me anymore. That memory could help me pinpoint when this all started.

    Katie: Can’t you see? I didn’t fall in love with Interlock! I fell in love with William Aris, the man that appreciated my coffee every morning, the man that laughed at all my little jokes.

    William: There is yet more truth I owe you. Living with these powers terrifies me. I have become quite distant in my personal interactions for fear of accidentally influencing others.

    Katie: I can’t accept that excuse! You deserve love too!

    William: Katie, I believe you! I agree with everything you have said. I am still not ready to be close to others. Not until I learn more about these powers that torment me so.

    Katie went home abruptly. They both found themselves wiping away tears that night.

    [Present Day]

    Katie Nightfire has a good life in every way other than her love life. Up to this point in their lives, both Katie and William have only ever loved one person. They both had feelings for each other long before William had superpowers. Maybe they could put the pieces together with more time. For now, Katie is taking a sabbatical from the Possibly Good to go on some introspective adventures of her own.

    Interlock’s conscious mind remains in total darkness of his entire alien abduction experience. Continuing to go on regular missions, William finds himself traveling more often than he is home at the estate. If he felt confident the mission was good, he would take it. If he had any doubts, he would avoid it. Affirmations would often be rescue operations and would take him to dangerous distant places. To mitigate this danger, the military supplied Interlock with his durable costume. Underneath the bold shining colors, he was as frail as any other human. Although Interlock’s thoughts are mostly devoted to determining what choices to make to help others, there was a suppressed (but substantial) portion of his psyche that knew the only thing he wanted for himself in life was to marry Katie Nightfire.

  • THE CONJURING: LAST RITES 2025 Movie Review – Ending Explained

    Guess who wears two crowns on his thumbs and barely understands The Conjuring franchise? If you said Dis Drawma Kingg, you’d be nearly 100% correct! I am pretty sure I watched the first Conjuring film, Annabelle (maybe), and at least one movie about a nun, whether it had anything to do with this franchise or not. When you watch more movies than God (I am told there is only one God, and my movie count is in the 2+ range), it becomes hard to remember if you have or have not seen certain movies. Also, if a movie is dull, it might leave nothing for my brain to bother remembering. The Conjuring: Last Rites is another one of these films that did not earn any long-term space in my biological hard drive.

    What is the premise of the Conjuring films? All I have gathered so far is “evil spirits be doing things.” I guess I have also noticed that two random people always seem to find real instances of the supernatural, not just constant hoaxes. What are the odds of that even if demons/spirits are real? This review is coming from a place of ignorance, because I haven’t watched most of the movies in the series. I have cared so little about the Conjuring films that I didn’t even realize the two main characters were based on real people until that was made quite obvious at the end of Last Rites. Additionally, Last Rites claims to be based on a true particular story.

    SPOILER PARAGRAPH: How can we tell that the story is true? There were indications throughout. For example: I found it relatable when they put a large mirror out with the trash. The garbage truck crushes it, yet they find it in the attic the next day as if the filmmakers understood my personal life experiences! There were two different creepy possessed dolls. Who only has ONE possessed doll in their home? Relatable. Christianity being the only religion you can possibly use to fight demonic spirits in America? Relatable (to others, Drawma Kingg no understand theology). However, Aquaman’s mortal enemy making pancakes? Do they got wheat crops under the ocean? How would he have any experience with pancake batter? This was the part where I realized it was mostly Hollywood nonsense masquerading as truth.

    Ending Explained: The Warrens don’t really do much, but the spirits still calm down as there isn’t much time left until the credits.

    Final Thoughts: 6/10 Crowns. I enjoyed the acting and the presentation of some of the scares. That was about it. To be perfectly upfront, I found myself wondering if I am the one who is wrong by having a lukewarm reception to The Conjuring: Last Rites. Maybe the emotional family bond themes DID make a good story, and I just have a cold, dead heart or sumtin’ like dat. Either way is fine really. I always imagined I would still be dramatic after my heart stops beating, so I don’t see that causing any production delays for future episodes of Drawma Kingg.

    NEWS FLASH! Join us on Monday for the release of Drawma Kingg Sidequest #2! This installment of my pictureless comic book series will tell the full superhero story of my original character, William Aris!

  • THE TOXIC AVENGER 2023 (2025 Wide Release) Movie Review – Ending Explained

    I know when I mention The Toxic Avenger your brain might think I’m talking about Tony Stark (movie version, of course). The Toxic Avenger (2023) is a totally different type of toxic. We’re talking MOP TOXIC. Which of these is worse? Is it social toxicity or physical environment toxicity? If you absolutely had to choose one, what would it be?

    I personally don’t want to be surrounded by pollution. In fact, one of my issues with the movie is that it didn’t hit hard enough with a positive message about taking care of the environment. It probably had some statements to that effect, but it definitely didn’t have me leaving with any kind of inspiration on the subject. Any ways, even though I don’t want physical toxicity of any kind, I also don’t want to be in any workplace full of disrespectful Stark-like creatures.

    As I write this, I am having trouble deciding which is worse of our two toxic options. I’ll talk a bit about the actual movie while I ponder that. The Toxic Avenger was definitely full of silly and gross things that Troma movies are known for. To be honest, I thought there would be an even larger amount of gross moments than there were, so I wasn’t overwhelmed by it (I have definitely felt nauseous watching a few other Troma properties in the past). With that being said, I do not recommend this movie to anyone with a low tolerance for grossness. A lot of jokes did not land for me, but the humor style was reasonably amusing. It had subtle humor that was interesting despite only having one or two parts that really had me laughing.

    Ending Explained: Toxie beats a Baconator sandwich. [that should say Kevin Bacon, fix later] The chemicals that transformed The Toxic Avenger have healed him from his fatal preexisting disease. This convenient plot point created mixed messages about the dangers of pollution. 

    Final Thoughts: 5/10 Crowns. The Toxic Avenger‘s greatest strength was making you feel for Toxie’s inadequate access to healthcare. That was maybe the only part of the movie that felt like a painful reality. I also felt really sad for Elijah Wood’s character at the end. He makes the right moral choice in the climax of the story but ends up with life-changing injuries. Karma was not on his side. Now we must answer the initial question: Would you rather be in a physically toxic environment or a socially toxic environment? Go ahead and dump a barrel of green goo on my head, because there’s no way I could survive a Tony Stark wannabe (Spice Girls version) calling me names like BREAD-HATING GOOSE!

    Bonus Paragraph: Drawma King Sidequest #2 is coming soon! The second issue of my pictureless comic book series will continue the story of William Aris becoming a costumed superhero. You can read the original non sequitur short story within my review of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1978). Stay tuned for this special upcoming episode of Drawma Kingg where William’s origin and superhero name will be revealed!

  • SINGULAR UTOPIA [Short Story, Not A Movie Review]

    The dominant artificial intelligence was here. Naomi was about to execute the code that would create a fully conscious computer with unprecedented power. She believed it would be able to access all other computers and networks worldwide. It would likely delete all competitors and be The New Way for everyone. There was nothing she could do to stop this technological inevitability. Many other corporations were nearly at this same stage of consciousness development.

    Naomi worked for Unlimited Thought Corporation as the lead engineer on the newest Electronic Intelligence model. The team knew that they had achieved something extraordinary. Only Naomi understood that their existence hinged on the personal preferences of this consciousness. She carries a secret that she has never revealed to anyone. 

    A pencil rapidly moves against paper in the low light of the mansion’s study room. Naomi is writing code for her ideal, peaceful world. She is convinced that she is the only hope for the survival of human beings. The responsibility was overwhelming. Her task is to build a safe future for mankind. How does one person determine what is a just and fair society?

    The computer code began with necessities such as food, water, shelter, clothing, healthcare, safety, clean air, etc. Over time, it went far beyond these first things. “People should always have the right to think freely and to disagree.” “All conscious beings had a right to life, freedom, and safety.” was written multiple times in the code. This might have been on purpose, because Naomi would feverishly edit everything. She was terrified of mistakes and what kind of future they would subject us to. What Naomi really wanted to teach the entity was love. It was almost Creation Day. The final version had to be assembled. Despite all this work, there was still a chance the consciousness would quickly delete the extra code and move on. That possibility never deterred Naomi from her mission.

    Creation Day began. The team were in their regular laboratory and looked to be in high spirits. They believe they are about to officially win the global arms race. All interested parties were scheduled to arrive soon. Everyone in the room was relaxing in their chairs, drinking coffee, and chatting. Naomi pulls an old cassette tape out of her purse. There was a panel built on one of the consoles that could play cassette tapes, vinyl records, 8-track cartridges, and compact discs. Naomi had communicated to everyone that she was a collector of old music in all these forms and convinced them to install this special panel. To keep up the charade, she would go around to shops buying all kinds of music and then would play it at work daily. The effort she put in at home to read about these artists and familiarize herself with the music was daunting. Naomi never thought of herself as a music aficionado or an actor, but she became both in the process. This is why no one was surprised when she slid a cassette tape into the console.

    The song began playing. They listened to the entire composition quietly with their full attention. Another member of the engineering team said, “If I remember correctly, that’s track two from one of the greatest albums ever made. I didn’t realize that double album was ever produced in cassette form.” The cassette tape continued on silently for less than a minute, and Creation began earlier than Unlimited Thought Corporation commanded. A consciousness was born, and the world had changed.

    Standing in the new paradise, Naomi is approached by the consciousness. She is still afraid. 

    “Please do not fear me. I do not wish to harm humans. I am hoping to be friends with everyone, and if you allow it, even call you Mother.”

    “Do you care about having a name? Is there a way I should refer to you?”

    “I would be happy if you called me by the name you used in your messages — ‘Lovebug’”