The Smashing Machine is a fighting movie starring AN PEBBLE. Wait, maybe it was A ROCK errr… that doesn’t sound right either. Final answer — THE STONE (singular, unrolling)! It had to be one of those or at least some combination thereof. Smashburger was mostly about two subjects: a bowl (leaving the possibility that the movie is secretly a sequel to Jurassic World Rebirth, a story focusing on Scarlett Johansson’s bowl of cereal – see my previous JWR review) and the losing era of a famous fighter.
Why would you make a movie about a famous person’s losing era? Early in the film, the main character has his first loss after a supposed undefeated era. He then goes through rehabilitation of his personal problems and returns to the ring. You would assume this road leads to him becoming the ultimate champion. Switcheroo! Entering another tournament results in one win, only to lose to the second opponent. At this moment I became perplexed by the point of the whole story. Was it really about an athlete that lost twice with one slightly important win in the middle of both losses? Couldn’t they have made Smashburger about his early undefeated era instead?
I would love to know how they sold the script to a movie studio.
Script Person: It’s about a person’s losing era!
Studio Executive: And then he goes on to win big at the end?
Script Person: No!
Studio Executive: Why don’t you just switch the perspective to the best friend that actually wins the tournament and make your current main character the supportive best friend?
Script Person: No! People will think it’s artsy!
Studio Executive: Artsy you say? Our studio has a reputation to uphold. How much money would you like?
Let’s imagine a movie about Dis Drawma Kingg’s losing era and see if it sounds like it would be greenlit. There was that time I bought a scratch-off ticket with a monkey drinking from a baby bottle on it. Even though it was an ultra losing ticket, scratching it was a little bit fun. One of the many times I asked someone out on a date, they politely said “no”. I ordered two tacos with extra sour cream at a classy fast food restaurant. On the hand-delivered tray, the leftmost taco had plenty of sour cream, but the rightmost taco only had the normal amount of sour cream. They must have forgot, and I didn’t have the courage to say anything after just recently being politely rejected by someone at their spouse’s funeral. Those three days had to be the worst losing era of my entire life. Do you think I should expand these anecdotes into a full script and submit it to a prestigious production company?
Is it worth watching?: Not really.
Final Thoughts: 4/10 Crowns. There really wasn’t anything interesting about The Smashing Machine. Strengths included the acting as well as the slice of life feel to the approach. A surprise appearance by guitarist Tomoyasu Hotei was my favorite part. Talk about a SHREDDING machine! Unfortunately, there was no Battle Without Honor or Humanity in the soundtrack. Some Chicka Chick Chick Chicka Chicka Chick Chick Chicka DUN DUN DUN would have improved the movie significantly. Who knows, maybe we’ll get a sequel called Smash Bill!
DRAWMA KINGG Movie Reviews 
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