DRAWMA KINGG Movie Reviews

Tag: funny-blog

  • RED SONJA (2025) Movie Review – Ending Explained

    Matilda Lutz and Wallis Day were awesome in Red Sonja (2025)! I thought I would start with the positive, because the film turned out to be just very average in most respects. I will say that I did “kind of” enjoy it, and that’s about as generous as I can honestly be.

    The main issue for me in Red Sonja was the writing. The plot just didn’t go anywhere interesting, and I don’t remember any of the characters saying anything noteworthy in the whole movie. I felt that it had a rushed exposition that didn’t draw the viewer in and also a rushed climax near the end. The acting, costuming, action sequences, and the directing (in some ways) were the strengths of this film. The story just wasn’t compelling enough to make it all work.

    Sudden non sequitur short story:

    So one day I was at the beach with my family. I was just doing beach stuff when a woman with a large dark coat approaches me. She looks like a real-life vampire. Why is she dressed like that in this hot weather?

    Ianara: My love, I am Ianara. I came here to meet you.

    Me: I don’t understand. I’m just some totally normal regular dude at the beach.

    Ianara: That is not true! You are very special!

    Me: Really? Other than beach stuff, I mostly just watch TV and play video games.

    I start to think this is a mirage, that none of this is real. Am I dreaming? Do I even like beach stuff? What is the “stuff” I have been doing this whole time? So many questions flood into me —I begin to question TIME and EXISTENCE and EVERYTHING! Should I have eaten that entire box of crackers that one time? Do I secretly hate my neighbor’s second cousin? What’s the point of ever drinking water if you can have a better tasting beverage? Do I secretly LOVE my neighbor’s cousin?

    Ianara: Will you join me and escape to a new life?

    Me: I am sorry, Ianara. I cannot come with you. I have to go profess my love to my neighbor’s cousin!

    Ianara fades, but it happens in such a way that my eyes can’t see it properly. It’s like they aren’t capable of capturing what the universe just did. Perhaps I will wake up from a surreal dream later. Perhaps I really do like beach stuff.

    Back to the review…

    Ending Explained: Red Sonja wins against her opponent.

    Final Thoughts: 5/10 Crowns. I really wanted to like Red Sonja, and I did a little bit at least. This was mostly only due to the star power of Matilda Lutz and Wallis Day and not really due to anything else. It may just be me that is unenthusiastic about the film, though. I mean people like normal and average things, right? Any lover of average things would probably think this was the most incredibly exciting example of average in cinema history! I wish I could someday be a lover of average. Think of the sea of content you would be able to enjoy!

  • DRAWMA KINGG SIDEQUEST #1 [Not A Movie Review] – THE CONCLUSION OF BAN SMITH IN THE RAIN

    Ban passes through the stare of the massive gate to the hilltop area. The storm is worsening. Ban doubts the rain is anywhere close to its peak yet, and now the winds are starting to become overbearing. He was almost in sight of his goal, the hilltop cabin.

    There would be no more chase. Aether Platinum was there, weapon in hand. He knew this day was inevitable. Aether Platinum was a man with a very different point of view in life than Ban Smith. The two intellects would now collide.

    Aether Platinum: I see Rodust must have talked.

    Ban: Yeah, but you wouldn’t believe the price!

    Aether: You would be surprised what I would or wouldn’t believe!

    Ban: I know you committed those crimes. I put it all together.

    Aether: I won’t insult you by denying it, Ban. You are the only one that saw how these events were connected.

    Ban: But I still haven’t figured out WHY! Tell me WHY you did it! I have to know!

    Aether: Why does anyone do anything? It’s just the circumstances of their life experiences.

    Ban: You are a fool to think you will win me over with any kind of philosophical thinking! You are a VILLAIN, and I’m telling the police everything I know!

    [The appearance of thunder is now nearly punctuating their words.]

    Aether: Tell me this Ban! Which is better: EXISTENCE or INEXISTENCE?

    Ban: Well, most people would rather live than to die!

    Aether: Which is better: BEING or BECOMING?

    Ban: Being I guess— NO! Becoming!

    Morkyzorg: Hmm… interesting choice. 

    Unbeknownst to Ban at this point in time – Aether Platinum’s nickname was Morkyzorg. You probably would have to be a member of Aether’s inner circle to know that though. 

    Morkyzorg: If you would happen upon a delicious sandwich would you share it with a friend or keep it all for yourself?

    Ban: I don’t mind sharing usually, but it probably depends on the sandwich. Maybe if you could tell me what type of sandwich specifically we can sort this out.

    Aether Platinum: Sorry, philosophy gives us no specifics. It doesn’t work that way.

    Ban: Okay I have had enough with these absurd questions! I am sincerely annoyed at what you seem to feel is DEEP thinking.

    Ban felt an energy that had him convinced Aether was ready to attack. He started to wonder if he was satisfied with the life he lived if everything ended here tonight. Ban never used guns, because it was never his intention to kill anyone in his life as a private eye. However, he always kept a small pocket knife in his boot just as a last resort means of self defense. The storm was worse than ever, and the two men stood still staring at each other, clothes soaking wet. Aether suddenly got an odd smirk on his face and his eyes changed.

    Ban felt like time slowed down, and he started envisioning the one he loved most out of everyone he ever knew in his life. His body and mind came to a sense of peace. Just as Ban snapped out of his hallucination, he saw Aether ready his weapon. Without any hesitation Bandolier Smith grabs his pocket knife, runs towards Aether Platinum and lunges at him! They spin on the ground just for a second as Ban successfully subdues Aether in a crazy quick multi combo that no one would ever believe a regular guy was capable of doing if you described it afterwards!

    Ban: You know this town won’t let you off for your crimes. Like that time you ate Sharon’s pie that she was really excited about — and that’s just an early example! That was long before you beat Harry real bad at Sidewalk Fighter 2 at the town arcade!

    Aether: I actually do feel bad for that one…

    Ban: I even directly witnessed the time you won the big TV in the raffle. The event runners maintained it was a fair raffle, but EVERYONE ELSE wanted that TV too!

    Aether: And there was that time I killed someone.

    Ban: THE TIME YOU WHAT?!

    THE END