Dis Drawma Kingg went to see Scream 7 last night. What moral do the Scream movies teach the audience? I can’t really think of one. However, there is another kind of message (assuming I interpreted the film 100% correctly). Primarily, they are trying to teach us a principle about physics: If you ever accidentally get hit in the head and knocked over while wearing a ghost mask, you’ll probably be able to get back up.
My new theory is that the Scream franchise isn’t really just about standard human criminals. A supernatural element hovers in the air of this film universe. Ghost masks can’t normally protect us from that much damage! Is it an interdimensional cult of superpowered ghost masky people? They really should have explained exactly what is going on by the seventh installment.
K, I’m gonna start talkin’ about something else. An old friend o’ mine said “Hey Drawma Kingg, why do you like movies so much?”
Drawma Kingg: Just cuz they rule. We can talk about anything you want though.
Friend: Like… checkers?
Drawma Kingg: The board game? You play that a lot?
Friend: No, it was just somethin’ that came to mind to talk about.
Drawma Kingg: Oh, okay. So you don’t actually have anything to say about checkers?
Friend: Hmmm, I guess I could say that checkers is kind of like life – in that we are always trying to leap over and become richer than one another.
Drawma Kingg: Wow! I was not expecting that! You might have a point there, but I know NOTHING on the creation or origins of checkers!
Friend: I can lend you some books!
Drawma Kingg: You have books on the subject? I thought you didn’t actually care about checkers.
Friend: I said I don’t PLAY checkers. Checkers is very important to me. I think about it all the time!
Drawma Kingg: Is checkers really that deep?
Friend: Yes, if you think about the varying psychology!
…
Is It Worth Watching?: No. Maybe you already figured out that Scream 7 was completely uninteresting on account of the long non sequitur rant I just went on.
Final Thoughts: 4/10 Crowns. I tried to think of anything positive to say about Scream 7, and the only thing I can pinpoint is the fact that Courteney Cox was in the film. CRASH, BANG, THWUMP, MUGTHWUMP!!! [3 hours later…] Ugh, I was running around the house in my Casper The Friendly Ghost mask when suddenly a chandelier fell on my head and knocked me unconscious! Did I just accidentally prove that the Scream franchise is incorrect in the assumed physics of wearing a ghost mask? Apparitional headgear does not protect your head any better than any other basic halloween mask! I was almost done with the episode before that chandelier rudely fell on me. This final bit was crucial though:
So do you think Dis Drawma Kingg should become besties with my long lost friend or run far away? Apparently, they are also interested in chess, though in a reverse way — playing chess while refusing to think about it. I also refuse to think while I play chess! We could be evenly matched!
DRAWMA KINGG Movie Reviews 