Today’s episode is THE DRAWMA KINGG THEME SONG!
This is now the official song of drawmakingg.com
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Overly dramatic reviews of both new AND classic movies
Today’s episode is THE DRAWMA KINGG THEME SONG!
This is now the official song of drawmakingg.com
Enjoy!
[Pinned to homepage, scroll down for newest movie review]
This review may not be quite as culturally important as the one I just did for The Phantom (1996), but I’m going to argue that underwear dude is still worth talking about. My primary concern with Superman was determining what movie executive said: “I’m real mad that Henry Cavill didn’t have to run around in his underwear! Absolutely positively no way will I ever let another Superman have his dignity!” Then I think James Gunn probably said something like “OK ya NineInchNailscompoop. I’ll still do it, but I’m gonna make underwear dude one of the best superhero movies in the history of cinema!” I may be speculating a teensy bit, but my theory has to be at least somewhat accurate because Superman TOTALLY RULED!
Despite my love for comics, Superman is one of my least favorite characters. He just isn’t classy or nuanced like The Phantom or Howard The Duck. Ultra powerful indestructible characters are just kind of lame to me. With that being said, I was quite fond of 2013’s Man Of Steel. Henry Cavill was a great Superman. David Corenswet had an enormous challenge to try to be even as good as Cavill. He miraculously pulled it off and was very likable in the role. The only other option was for Nicolas Cage and Kevin Smith to team up to finish their scrapped Superman film, but Nick Cage said he was taking a hiatus from acting to spend more quality time with the Declaration of Independence.
There is quite a lot to praise about Superman. The action and special effects were so excellent they set a new bar for Hollywood! When I watch Marvel movies, I’m constantly thinking “oh look they’re doing that again” or “oh there’s a scene I’ve seen in 30 of your movies.” I’ve watched Iron Man many more times than I ever wanted to, because every MCU movie is just Iron Man over and over again. Superman felt like its own personality from scene to scene. It wasn’t using quite as strict of a formula. I am desperately hoping the DCU tries to keep a freeform approach to their movies rather than using Superman as a mold to repeatedly copy. The tone of the movie is somehow respectably serious even though there is a decent amount of humor throughout. The incorporation of a handful of other DC superheroes makes it immediately feel like a cinematic universe. This was something that the earliest MCU movies failed at. James Gunn showcased his full potential with incredible directing and honorably won my respect. My only significant complaint about the movie (other than a return to underwear costume) was the actor choice for Metamorpho. I always thought he was a strong and stern looking DC character, but the wimpy approach the actor used totally ruined him for me.
Ending Explained: Lex Luthor does not defeat Superman.
Final Thoughts: 9.5/10 Crowns. This is a very high rating for a superhero movie, but I cannot lie (that’s a lie actually, most of this blog is unapologetic nonsense). I was almost tempted to give it a perfect 10 out of 10. I was absolutely loving Superman while sitting in the theater. I was even having trouble thinking about what I could make fun of until Metamorpho showed up. My only fear is that if all DCU movies turn out this good, your unelected (yet fully substantiated) Drawma Kingg is gonna run out of idiotic things to say! The good news is I am PRETTY STOOPID! Like Superman against Lex Luthor, I always find a way to OUTSTOOPID my opponent!
I began viewing A Minecraft Movie with the belief that it was going to be a stoopid movie that is only enjoyable to Minecraft players based on fan service jokes. Now I still don’t understand “Chicken Jockey”, so I suppose I wasn’t totally off the mark with some of it. The point I’m getting at is the movie was actually good to a casual viewer like dis Drawma Kingg! It was funny, had a great leading man with Jack Black, and was unique in many ways for a mainstream family movie.
I watched A Minecraft Movie at home, but I wanted the COMPLETE viewing experience! I started throwing peanut eminems at the cat until I had three claw marks above my right eye. My PS5 no longer works, because I dumped popcorn butter on it when Jack Black said “Chicken Jockey”. I don’t know why I felt compelled to do that on those trigger words, but the universe moves us in complex ways. Halfway through the movie my ex showed up to return my box of 1000 Kangaroo Jack DVDs and instantly got an Extra Large Coca-Cola Cup of battery acid in the face. Minecraft rules – can’t press charges. We had a good laugh about it after. Mostly me, but I think it was probably still both of us that thought it was funny.
The main cons of the movie are: 1 – that it plays out pretty much how you would expect for a movie of this genre. And 2 – it kind of feels like an entirely green screen movie. The pros: 1 – Jack Black is hilarious in his delivery of his lines and his general mannerisms. 2 – Depeche Mode show up (only in song unfortunately). 3 – Surprisingly, the writing has a lot of clever lines sandwiched between the expected ones. 4 – It was actually pretty funny. I laughed at a good handful of jokes and situational comedy moments. 5 – they did a very daring thing by using the word “butt” to try to make you laugh! Can you believe that? A PG family movie that had the UNIQUE idea to say “butt” to try to get a kid to laugh? These writers must have went to Harvard!
Ending Explained: I know it’s going to sound like I’m lying here, but in the final battle of good characters vs. evil characters (no moral ambiguity pertaining to the depth of each individual’s consciousness and who they are) – the good characters prevail!
Final Thoughts: 7/10 Crowns. All it needed to do was not totally suck in order to impress me. Y’see movies are all about the expectation when you start it. I’m gonna start going into every movie with the mentality “Well I know it’s not gonna be the next Kangaroo Jack, but at least I’m not sitting through Matrix 3 again.” DRAWMA KINGG OUT (gotta go throw some more food at stuff and get away with it).
Now I know some of you are thinking – “The Phantom doesn’t count as a classic!” OK, you win that argument. Moving on… This movie is one of my top 10 personal favorites. Wait, that doesn’t sound right. It’s gotta at least be in my top 5000 superhero movies of the last 30 years though. Yeah that sounds like the right category for it!
Unlike most SO-CALLED PEOPLE, I like The Phantom. That is not even a joke or a lie. It holds a special place in my heart from the 90’s. However, I would be lying if I said I LOVED the movie or that it was a cinematic experience worth everyone’s time. But c’mon, with a tagline like “SLAM EVIL!” how could this movie go wrong?
The character of The Phantom predates both Superman and Batman. He is a contender for the argument – “Who is the first superhero?” along with Zorro and some other costumed crime fighters. Who better to play him than Billy Zane?! It would probably be impossible to lead a movie with this many varying tones unless you were previously a cast member on Twin Peaks. Billy, Kristy Swanson, and Catherine Zeta-Jones are definitely the highlights of the film. The beginning of the movie is pretty rocky and lackluster, but it really picks up and becomes much more entertaining once Zane, Swanson, and Jones have their first scene together. Honestly, I think these actors could’ve carried this movie to a great place if there was a better director. I feel like the director must not have been a fan of the comic, because he did not seem to have a good vision of how to present this character on screen.
What are some of the good things in this movie? My favorite scene is when Phantom’s doggie and horsey meet up in the forest, make some noises and gestures that show they can communicate with each other (horse-dog language), then go off on a hero/buddy mission to save Phantom and Buffy. Kristy Swanson’s character kicks a lotta butt, so we were one character name away from getting a Phantom/Buffy The Vampire Slayer superhero team up movie. There was also one scene where the director actually impressed me with the clever way he put it together. The villain does something very bad to another character, but it happens off screen. The dastardly act was just implied to the audience, which kind of made it MORE terrifying than actually showing what happened. This might have just been a way to avoid the censors, but it came across as artistic and well done.
Ending Explained: Phantom explodes the bad guy.
Final Thoughts: The Phantom is very close to having the components it needed to work. I think it would have succeeded with these improvements:
1 – The costume didn’t look very good and desperately needed a redesign.
2 – The cinematography was bad. Personally, I would have liked a darker atmosphere, but it definitely needed something different than what we got.
3 – Different director, please!
I really like the casting choices for the main characters. Catherine Zeta-Jones character particularly had a cool enemy turned ally arc. I thought she was perfect for this role. Unfortunately, a great cast can’t usually save a movie from a bad choice of director. But hey, I’ll trade parallel universe great versions of The Phantom for the one with posters and merchandise that encourage you to “SLAM EVIL!”
Nostalgia rating: 7/10 Crowns
Critical rating: 4 or 5 out of 10 Crowns
One thing I can tell you about Jurassic World Rebirth is that Scarlett Johansson is really good at eating a bowl of cereal! I was not impressed with any of the actors in general in this movie with the exception of one scene where a bowl of cereal is superbly consumed. I USED to think Johansson couldn’t act her way out of a wet paper bag. How wrong I was! Move over Daniel Day-Lewis! Martin Scorsese is ditching you for Scarlett Johansson in his upcoming biopic about a person that once ate a bowl of cereal!
Was Jurassic World Rebirth any good? I’ll be honest, I had a really hard time deciding that in my brain as I exited the theater. Let’s talk about the good first. The CGI seemed fine. That is a bigger compliment than it sounds, because I tend to like practical effects wayyy more than CGI. Although a lot of the exposition was boring, (aside from a bowl of cereal eaten with Juilliard-level acting precision), I found myself just chillin’ and enjoyin’ a big budget dinosaur movie. You don’t need substance in your script to enjoy dinosaurs! If nothing else, this movie definitely proved that for me. Lastly, the best part of the movie was the moral. It was not subtle at all. They have a conversation about whether they should really give the biological samples they are collecting to the rich people that hired them or give the data to everyone to benefit humanity. This was very direct social commentary on how the billionaire class doesn’t care about the proletariat. Advances in science and technology should be motivated by helping people, not by profits.
The bad – The characterization was rushed/forced and resulted in none of the characters being interesting or likable. When characters die, the remaining ones are just like “Oh well at least it wasn’t us” and go about their task. It’s almost as if the movie is self-aware that the characters don’t matter. But even the lead hero and lead villain are just totally “meh”. I can’t think of a single cool thing either of them did that was worth remembering. The plot of the movie is thin, the dialogue even thinner. All the characters are constantly making horribly bad decisions. This irritates me in movies, but I have been trying to reconcile this irritation as of late. Normies in real life constantly make stoopid decisions so maybe this is actually more realistic than seeing characters on screen with good reasoning skills.
Ending Explained: The characters who had the most speaking lines survive by getting on a boat.
Final Thoughts: Did I like or dislike this movie? I eventually figured this out by asking myself the question: would I watch it a second time? I realized that no, I would not want to use my time doing that. However, it was enjoyable enough to watch it once on a big screen. I am not sure if it would work well if you watched it on your TV at home though. Plus, the real reason you should see this one at the theater is to see Scarlett Johansson eat the BIG bowl of cereal! I don’t care about the concept of proportion! BIG bowl of cereal or NOTHING!
Rating: 5/10 Crowns